簡潔で伝わりやすい英文にするコツ: Fillerの削除

2017年 07月 27日

こんにちは！英文校正ワードバイスです。今回もジャーナル投稿論文、修士・博士論文や英文エッセイの作成に邁進中の皆様のための、ためになる情報をお伝えしていきたいと思います。

ワードバイスリソースブログでは前々回 (英文の単語数を減らすコツ:前置詞の省略)・前回(英文の単語数を減らすコツ: Nominalization (名詞化)を避ける)と英文のワード数調整の方法について解説してきましたが、今回はワード数削減のコツ3つ目として「Filler」に着目した単語数ダイエットの方法をお送りいたします。無駄な表現を可能な限り省いてシンプルな文章にすることは、分かりやすさが肝となるアカデミックライティングの基本です。今回も盛りだくさんの内容でお送りいたします。

Tip 3: Fillers & 不必要な単語を減らす

Fillerとは?

Fillerとは英文中で特に意味を持たない単語のことを言います。fillerは話し言葉で用いられることが多いため、論文やエッセイのライティングにはふさわしくないばかりか、文章でfillerを多用する癖がついてしまうと文章が冗長になって読みにくい印象を与えてしまいます。英作文の単語数を調節するテクニックを紹介する記事でfiller単語について言及する理由は、非ネイティブの場合、英文ライティングにおいて無意識のうちに口語体を使用してしまっていることが多く見受けられるからです。

アカデミックライティングにおいて、fillerや不必要な単語・フレーズの使用は避けましょう。

次の例を見てみましょう。:

There is an octopus sitting on top of my car.
This is actually an interesting question.
In order to apply the new method to our entire system, perhaps we should perform a local test.

上の文章から、fillerや不必要な表現を発見できましたでしょうか？上の文章は、文法的には何の問題もありません。しかし、もっと簡潔に分かりやすい文章にするためには、不必要な表現は可能な限り削るのが原則です。

There is an octopus sitting on top of my car. [10単語]
This is actually an interesting question. [6単語]
In order to apply the new method to our entire system, perhaps we should perform a local test. [18単語]

不必要な表現を削って修正した文章を見てみましょう。

An octopus is sitting on my car. [7単語]
This question is interesting. [4単語]
We should perform a local test before applying the new method to our system. [14 単語]

以上から分かるように、fillerや不必要な表現を見直すことで平均25-30%も単語数を減らすことができます。

Fillerの探し方・修正方法

まずはfillerが何か見つけることができなければ、修正のしようもありません。ということで、以下に一般的によく使用されるfillerと不必要な単語・フレーズのリストを作ってみました。代替する表現は様々ですが、ここではその中でもっとも適用性の高いと思われるものを選んで掲載しています。

Filler・不必要な単語やフレーズ	修正のヒント	例
A… then B… [時系列]	“A… and B…”の構文を使用。読者はこの構文だけでも因果関係や時系列を理解できる。	Joe ran up the hill then fell back down. → Joe ran up the hill and fell back down.
Absolutely, Certainly, Completely, Definitely	不必要な表現なので削除。このような副詞は多くの場合共に用いられる動詞にその副詞の意味が既に含まれている。	We absolutely agree with that theory. → We agree with that theory.
All of the	“All the”に書き換える。	All of the cells ruptured. → All the cells ruptured.
As to whether	“Whether”に書き換える。	He was uncertain as to whether he would attend the event next week. → He was uncertain whether he would attend the event next week.
At all time	不必要な表現なので削除。一般的事実について述べるときは“at all time”と付け足す必要がない。	You must follow these rules at all times. → You must follow these rules.
Commonly	不必要な表現。“commonly”が「一般的に」という意味だが、次に続く記述だけで一般的な内容と分かる場合は、「一般的に」と前置きをする必要がない。	People once commonly believed that the sun revolved around Earth. → People once believed the sun revolved around Earth.
Due to the fact that	“Because”またはより直説的な動詞を使用して文章を書き換える。	Due to the fact that we have limited resources, we will need to ration our daily intake. → We must ration our daily intake because of limited resources. または Limited resources require us to ration our daily intake.
For all intents and purposes	不必要な表現なので丸ごと削除。	For all intents and purposes, this project will be run by the Zurich office. → This project will be run by the Zurich office.
For the purpose of	“To” + 動詞構文に書き換える。	For the purpose of creating a new cohort, we would like to… → To create a new cohort, we would like to…
Has the ability to	“Can”を使用して書き換える。	Jackson has the ability tomesmerize an audience with his charm. → Jackson canmesmerize an audience with his charm.
I/we believe; In my/our opinion	他人と自分の考えを対照性を強調する場合や、どうしても自分の意見であることを示す必要がある場合は使用可能。しかし大抵の場合右の例のように省略しても問題ない。	In our opinion, our results are inconclusive. → Our results are inconclusive.Scientists believe that water once flowed on Mars; however, we believe this theory is unlikely because… → Scientists believe that water once flowed on Mars; however, this theory is unlikely because…
In spite of the fact that	“Despite”や“although”に書き換える。	She agreed to volunteer for the event in spite of the fact that she was busy with other work. → She agreed to volunteer for the event although she was busy with other work.
In terms of	削除して文全体を書き換えるか、文脈に合わせて“about”や“regarding”を使用する。	We can agree with you in terms of the proposed time frame. → We agree with your proposed time frame.In terms of price, we would like to request a discount. → Regarding price, we would like to request a discount.
In the event that	“If”に書き換える。	In the event that you can’t meet the deadline, please contact us immediately. → If you can’t meet the deadline, please contact us immediately.
In the process of	文脈に合わせて“while”や“when”に書き換える。	In the process of starting a new business, I hired an assistant. → When I started a new business, I hired an assistant
In order to	“To”に書き換える。	In order to advance to the next level, we must pass this exam. → To advance to the next level, we must pass this exam.
It is important to note	不必要な表現なので削除。そもそも論文やエッセイでは重要な事実のみを記述する。	It is important to note that inclusion and exclusion criteria are not used to reject people personally. → Inclusion and exclusion criteria are not used to reject people personally.
It is possible that	文脈に合わせて“can,” “could,” “may,”や“might”に書き換える。	It is possible that the show will be canceled due to inclement weather. → The show could be canceled due to inclement weather.
Just, Really, Very, Even	不必要な表現なので削除。	He really loves winter, especially when it snows. → He loves winter, especially when it snows.
Needless to say	不必要な表現なので削除。	Needless to say, the project will end tomorrow. → The project will end tomorrow.
That	文意を明確にするためにどうしてもthatが必要な場合以外は使用しない。	She believed that he was innocent. → She believed he was innocent.She liked the house that sat on top of the hill. → She liked the house that sat on top of the hill. [この"that"は省略できない]
The fact that	不必要なので削除し、文全体を書き直す。	Mary hated the fact that she had to work on Mondays. → Mary hated working on Mondays.
There/Here/It is…There has/have been…	不必要なので削除し文全体をシンプルな能動態にする。このような文型は文意をより把握しにくくする。	There have been many discussions among the scientific community about ethical boundaries in gene-splicing research. → The scientific community has frequently discussed the ethical boundaries in gene-splicing research.
With regard/reference to	文脈に合わせて“regarding”や“about”に書き換える。文全体を書き直すことで“with regard to”/”regarding”を削除しても良い。	With regard to your previous questions, we will answer them during our meeting later today. → Regarding your previous questions, we will answer them during our meeting later today. または We will answer your previous questions during our meeting later today.

それでは最後に練習問題で確認です。

Q. 下の文章を簡潔な形に書き換えてみましょう。

In the end, we’d like to choose option A.
We just need to move on to the next task; otherwise, we’ll really run out of time.
While we believe this project can be completed in three months, in order to do so, we will need to incur additional costs.
In the event that I don’t make it on time, please start without me.
With reference to the new project, it is possible that we will start next month.
It is important to note that you can apply to the program at any time you want; however, due to the fact that we admit participants on a rolling basis, we may have no room left if you wait too long.

正解:　(白文字に反転してあります。)

We’d like to choose option A.
We need to move on to the next task; otherwise, we’ll run out of time.
While this project can be completed in three months, to do so, we will need to incur additional costs.
If I don’t make it on time, please start without me.
We can start the new project next month.
You can apply to the program at any time; however, if you wait too long, we may not have any room because we admit participants on a rolling basis.